OF IBRAHIMS AND SATAY IN KAJANG.

On The Beat
Lately, whether by design, fate or plain coincidence, we have been seeing, reading or hearing about people or issues that involve the name Ibrahim.

THERE is something odd going on lately in Malaysia. For some seriously strange reasons, whether by design, fate or plain coincidence, Malaysians are seeing, reading or hearing about people or issues that involve the name Ibrahim. So let us go through the current hot list.

1 ) Anwar Ibrahim: He sure knows how to confuse us. We all thought he wanted to be Prime Minister. Then he said he would retire from politics and take up a teaching career if Pakatan Rakyat failed to capture Putrajaya in the general election.
Well, many of us, being the confused lot that we are, actually believe him, or at least believe in the many things that he has been saying, anyway.
Then, following the decision of the Kajang state assemblyman to vacate the seat, Anwar confused us further by saying he would not be contesting the seat. But he finally announced, after much charade, that he would be contesting after all.
Now, he says that even if he wins the seat, he does not aim to be the Mentri Besar of Selangor. Well, the whole world seems to think otherwise.
He has already confused us enough with his answers on why he is forcing a by-election in Kajang. Until now, no one, including his diehard supporters, can give us a convincing explanation.
Seriously, all of us should really ask him what it is he really wants. This man has to be the master of surprises. No one can beat him at that.
No one can remember him having a liking for football. Horses and jet ski, yes. Suddenly he has donned the colours of the Selangor football team.
If Penang plays against Selangor, we are not sure if he will be wearing anything, given that he is an MP from Penang, which is also a Pakatan-controlled state. That’s pretty confusing.
Well, for sure, he has really given us a few good lessons in politics!

2 ) Khalid Ibrahim: This is one sorry Ibrahim. His hair has become more dishevelled lately. He murmurs to himself most of the time and he is doing this even more.
Who can blame him? He has to be careful who he talks to now with his party boss wanting to take over his job. His fellow ADUNs – who all claim they are in politics for the sake of the people – must be having a tough time deciding who they should stand behind now to further their political ambitions.
They have to decide which horse they should back – this mumbling corporate figure or the real political animal, Anwar Ibrahim, who has the magic of getting people to believe what he wants them to believe.
If it’s me, it’s me. If he says it isn’t him, all will nod in agreement, as if under a spell, and repeat that it isn’t him. It’s just a lookalike of me, a body double, a Siamese twin.
Poor Khalid. The only one he can trust is himself. He can only talk to himself.
We all hope he will just hang in there because he is actually a likeable bloke. What you see is what you get from this Ibrahim.

3 ) Zaid Ibrahim: Now, this one is tricky. We are just as confused because he has either joined or formed almost every political party in town. And we, being the terribly naive Malaysians, thought that this sort of thing only happens to Sabahan politicians.
No one is quite sure why he is declaring his candidacy for the Kajang by-election. It can’t be his love for the satay there, for sure. We are not even sure if he knows his way around Kajang or if he even has friends there.
But this Ibrahim can be assured that he will get his 15 minutes of fame every night on prime time TV. Our advice is he should not attempt to sound too philosophical or intellectual during his campaign rounds in Kajang.
That’s because we are already confused. We are not sure if he is seeking the support of Barisan or Pakatan Rakyat supporters. We are not too sure there are enough fence sitters like him. But we are sure he will confuse us during the entire campaign period.

4 ) Ibrahim Ali: We can assume that he will be there. He and his gang of merry men never let us down when it comes to providing the comic relief. But he has been saying that he is actually the one who has been delivering the Malay votes for Umno and that without him, Umno would have been in serious trouble.
But the best line from him recently is that there are many troublemakers impersonating Perkasa members! Fuyoh!
Now, that’s interesting! And we, being the confused Malaysians, thought that Malaysian politicians have confused us sufficiently and endlessly but this is the ultimate confusion! Imitation Perkasa members, wow.

5 ) Haris Ibrahim: He has been unusually quiet since being initially denied entry into Australia last September. The outspoken activist and lawyer shows up everywhere. He is a permanent fixture in all protests and demonstra­tions. A specialist in this sort of things, we may say. We are not sure if he will add some colour and excitement in Kajang. But he’s definitely another Ibrahim that we can welcome to the Kajang polls, to confuse many of us further.

6 ) Syed Ibrahim Syed Noh: He may not be a household name in Malaysia but he would probably get a recognition from the Malaysia Book of Records for being involved in the most number of non-­government organisations. This Ibrahim is involved in every NGO – from Bersih to Gabungan Mansuh ISA to Pemantau to Independent Monitoring Election Commission.
He has served notice that he will be in Kajang in his capacity as chief of the Malaysians for Free and Fair Elections (Mafrel). Are there any hats he is not wearing? Hasn’t he been confused himself before?
We won’t be surprised if he will soon head a Gabungan Cinta Satay Kajang or Stick It Up for Kajang Voters movements.

7 ) Rahim Thamby Chik: Well, not quite Ibrahim but close enough. This veteran politician can’t stand the sight of Anwar Ibrahim. Or for that matter anything about Anwar Ibrahim. He is his sworn enemy. Well, Enemy Forever. Not BFF, for sure.
We are not sure whether he will turn up in Kajang with Ummi Hafilda, another sworn enemy of Anwar. She seems to have gone into political oblivion since her marriage to a Pakistani doctor. It seems to be like an extended honeymoon, perhaps to make up for lost time. But we hope to hear from her soon. Looks like she has discovered that there’s more to life than her obsession – Anwar Ibrahim. It’s never too late. All these players hate one another but they can’t stay away from one another either. Isn’t that confusing?

8 ) Ibrahim Ahmad Badawi: Brahim LSG Skychef Sdn Bhd, formerly known as MAS Catering, belongs to Datuk Ibrahim Haji Ahmad Badawi, the younger brother of Tun Abdullah Ahmad Badawi. This company has been in the news lately.
Those of us who have been lucky enough to travel on business class on MAS will find the airline’s satay simply irresistible. Having lost the nasi lemak fight, we hope MAS will now redeem its image and go to Kajang for a satay war soon.
No one would have thought that there is such a thing as a “very naked” nasi lemak! Chef Wan Ismail took a picture of the very bare nasi lemak that was served in economy class on the route to Bangkok.
To the horror of this melodramatic chef, he claimed there were no nuts! Chef Wan may seem lembut (soft) at times but no one messes around with his food.
He was terribly pissed off. He whipped out his smart phone and took pictures of the nasi lemak missing the nuts. Err, sorry, I meant groundnuts.
And for Chef Wan, that’s a helluva of a telanjang (naked)! The essential ikan bilis or fried anchovies were not there either.
Well, following a full investigation, just short of a Royal Commission, it was finally revealed that the nuts had to be removed because they had gone stale. Blame the supplier who had gone on Chinese New Year break. Well, someone has to be the scapegoat in the great Malaysian tradition.
Poor Ibrahim, we never thought this would become an issue. This whole thing may seem a little nutty but the moral of the lesson here is, please don’t take economy class passengers for granted. We are not any ikan bilis, okay? We can strip anyone, Datuk or no Datuk, naked.
Well, things are going to get more interesting because the nomination and campaigning for Kajang have not even started yet!

And we still say the Election Commission should extend the campaigning period.

Land Of Many Contradictions

The star : Wong Chun Wai.
Middle Class Malaysia is a pretty confused group. But then, the country is confused anyway.

THE Malaysian middle class, especially those living in Petaling Jaya and Subang – easily the biggest suburbs of middle class residents in the country – prides itself as educated, active in social media, well-read and surely the bastion of democracy, human rights and all things fashionably liberal.

Well, it’s also a pretty confused group. But then, the country is confused anyway.

Point One: We hear the middle class grumbling, whining and complaining about foreign labour – and we do this insensitively in front of our foreign workers, especially the maids!
Aiyoh, how can the government allow so many foreigners to come in one? Why the government cannot be like Singapore where they only let in clever, skilled foreigners? Sorry, expatriates. Not cheap labourers.
In the same breath, the middle class also gets uptight because of the long wait for Indonesian maids! Eh, what’s wrong with the government ah? Cannot even get Indonesian maids. So incompetent one.

Point Two: So, we also hear Middle Class Malaysia agreeing that we must never, never rely on foreign maids. We must be resilient. We will clean up the house ourselves. We will train our kids to be independent. But we tell our kids: Ah Boy ah, why you go and clean the plates? Leave the plates on the table lah. We got a maid what. Let Kak do the cleaning lah. Go, go away from the kitchen. Duh!

Point Three: Middle Class Malaysia is aghast at the seemingly corrupt practices in the country. There is fear that corruption has become entrenched. It’s so sickening. How can the politicians be so corrupt? We must stop corruption. But in the same breath, we tell our kids. Eh, Ah Boy, can you ask your driving instructor whether can pay coffee money to pass the driving test ah? Got package ah? Better settle lah, so no need to sit for many driving tests. It’s costly, you know?
And we say we are against graft.

Point Four: Middle Class Malaysia must be one of the biggest accomplices in intellectual theft. We have zero respect for intellectual property. It’s not even our SOP to educate our children to stop buying pirated movies.
Ah Boy, please do not buy original DVD or CD, okay? Just buy from the pasar malam, you only watch once. Don’t waste money buying original on Amazon, okay? You hear me?
Ma, no need to buy DVD any more lah. Can just download for free one. No need to pay one!
That’s my boy, clever. Please teach Ma how to do, okay?
So, the entire family has become pretty good at this crime. After all, we are the only nation to have pirated DVDs that include a clip at the beginning to warn viewers about buying pirated DVDs!

Point Five: Still on fighting corruption. At every political ceramah, the crowd gets into a frenzy when the speakers expose corruption involving leaders and their wives, or their second or third wives. But we have also become pretty sophisticated in choosing who to condemn despite the mantra, “wrong is wrong and right is right”.
Aiyah, Ah Boy, these politicians only makan a bit only what. All the politicians makan one. They makan more and bigger. So if our favourite politicians makan, it’s okay lah. We must still support them, Ah Boy. Come, come, don’t ask any more. Do your homework. You don’t understand politics.

Point Six: We hate corrupt traffic cops. If anyone stops us, we know the road blocks are probably not sanctioned. It seems to be more frequent when the festivals approach.
We all hate cops who want to “settle” an offence instead of just issuing a summons. And yet many of us are guilty of offering bribes to dirty cops despite our sworn war against corruption.
Ah Boy, you mad ah? You never kau tim (settle in Cantonese) with the policeman ah? You think you are very rich ah? You actual­ly ask for a summons? You seow (crazy in Hokkien) ah?
And this is the best part: Middle Class Malaysians will wait and delay paying until the police offers a discount for unpaid summonses! No extra penalty, no compounded interest but a reward – a discount! Only in Malaysia!

Point Seven: Middle Class Malaysia is very particular about what schools their kids go to. It must be the best one. It must have school kids who come from good, well-off families. Cannot afford to have their kids mingling with poor schoolmates. But the problem is not everyone stays in the neighbourhood where the good schools are located. So we instil this value very early in our kids, that we must cheat to get ahead in life!
Ah Boy, don’t worry. Even if we do not stay near the school, we use my friend’s address lah. I also changed my credit card and phone bills already, got proof! Sure, you can get into that school. Don’t tell people, okay?
In short, cheating is okay. Only politicians cannot cheat.

Point Eight: Middle Class Malaysia parents cannot imagine that their kids have been selected for National Service. Horrors of horrors! It’s for other kids! Even if their own kids are excited with the new adventure, their parents cannot imagine their kids being packed off to a camp. What happens if they die eating horrible food? What happens if they get bullied?
OMG, mixing with kids of other races? What happens if they fall in love with someone from another race? And in the same breath, they will tell their kids: Ah Boy ah, why can’t this country be more multi­racial? Why must we always talk about race, race and race? I am so sick.
Malaysians don’t sit down and eat together any more. Not like during my time! What? You got selected for National Service? Why are you so sway (bad luck in Hokkien) one? Go and find a way to get out lah. Don’t go!

Point Nine: Middle Class Malaysia gets very angry at the increasing price of sugar and cannot imagine how rice is traded in this country. But they get really mad when their teh tarik is still so sweet despite asking for kurang manis! What’s wrong with this mamak fella? Want me to die ah, with so much sugar?
And then we continue the whining with the government increasing the price of sugar.
Rice? Don’t eat rice lah. Better stop eating. Too much carbo. You want to get diabetes? Better stop eating rice if you want to stay slim. Take my advice, don’t be so stubborn. Stop nasi lemak, stop nasi kandar, stop chicken rice. Hear me.
And in the same breath, we complain about the price of rice, which we all think should be cheaper. Ah Boy, I tell you, I don’t know what’s wrong with this government. Why is the price of rice so expensive? If we don’t eat rice, what do we eat?
Boy, you hear me or not? Going out again at this time? Don’t eat rice at the mamak shop okay? Rice is no good for you. Just eat chapatti­, okay?

Point Ten: And finally ... there are still some good things to say about Middle Class Malaysia, and most Malaysians for that matter. We are super polite people. Most of us don’t call people names unless you are a politician or intellectually weak and unable to argue in a debate, especially on social media.
We also don’t call each other by name because we simply do not address people by name. We never call each other Mr or Miss or Madam. Everyone older than us is automatically an uncle or aunty, even though we are not related.

For some strange reasons, we call many people Boss! Hello, Boss, can get me a burger ah? Sure, Boss, satu burger special!
Or everyone is a brother. Eh, Brother, bagi satu kopi. No problem, Brudder!

We all seem to be so family. I love Middle Class Malaysia! This is home! This is the Land of the Confused!

KIta Adalah Rakyat Malaysia.

Kita juga merupakan kaum pendatang seperti mereka. Perbezaan yang ketara kita sudah bertapak lebih lama jika dibandingkan dengan mereka. Mereka datang ke negara ini dan didatangkan atas tujuan tertentu. Ada yang datang secara bersendirian dan ada juga yang dibawa oleh mereka yang berkepentingan.
Situasi biasa dimana pendatang atau orang baru bermastautin bila sudah lama dan selesa dengan keadaan persekitaran  mereka akan mula bertindak  untuk merebut dan mengambil tempat dan peluang yang ada untuk kepentingan mereka. Keadaan ini sebenarnya bukan baru tetapi sudah menjadi satu lumrah dimana golongan seperti ini akan mengambil peluang yang ada untuk kebaikan mereka.

Situasi sebegini boleh kita lihat dimana mana baik di dalam sebuah organisasi atau di dalam masyarakat kita. Orang  yang telah lama menabur jasa dan bakti akan cuba ditentang dan kuasa mereka cuba diambilalih. Mereka merasakan mereka layak dan berkemampuan untuk menerajui dari segala sudut. Mereka beranggapan mereka juga berhak dan mendapat layanan yang sama seperti yang dinikmati oleh kaum pribumi yang lain dinegara ini.

Sering terjadi pihak yang mencabar dapat menyempurnakan hajat mereka disebabkan mereka mempunyai semangat yang jitu didalam diri mereka. Mereka bersatu dan sering mendapat bantuan dari mereka yang memendam hasrat untuk berkuasa bersedia untuk membantu mereka merealisasikan impian itu. Pihak yang dicabar akan merasakan tercabar dan berusaha untuk mempertahankan tetapi gagal dalam merancang akibat terlalu selesa dan yakin akan kemampuan yang mereka ada selama ini.

Pengalaman, jasa dan populariti belum pasti dapat menjamin kemenangan. Pembaharuan dan hala tuju yang baru sering dicari. Sikap keegoan juga sering menjadi punca kejatuhan. Selagi pihak yang ditentang  tidak mempunyai kesedaran dan cuba untuk membaiki kesilapan mereka maka bertambah mudah untuk mereka melaksanakan dan merealisasikan impian mereka.

Bertindak dan Berubah untuk memastikan apa yang kita sayang dan pertahankan terus kekal demi masa depan yang lebih cerah untuk bangsa, agama dan negara.